A Regular Decorated Emergency
by BloodyxStaples
Summary: Jamie and Erica two close friends are playing Zelda one night. They get thrown into the wonderful chaos that is Hyrule, and meet Link. Joy. Oh and two other idiots join them in fairy form...
1. What Will It Take to Show You

**Hello Loves new story.**

**This story will have numerous sequels following out every Zelda game except the gameboy games. The whole thing will be in third person. I hope you read, enjoy, and review. **

**The first I'll tackle is OoT, and then so on, and so forth.**

**Universal Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot and myself. Erica owns herself, and other randomo OCs will be real people so they'll own themselves. Enjoy.**

**What Will It Take To Show You It's Not the Life It Seems?**

It was a gray and windy day in Valdosta, Georgia. Not much was going on as two girls, one around 15, the other 16 walked around the local Colonial Mall arguing about...an ice-coffe.

"Dammit Erica! Gimme some!" The 5'1/5'2 15 year old said impatiently.

"Hmmmm...I don't think I will shorty." The 5'8/5'9 brunette said before taking another sip to piss the inky black haired girl off.

The other girl shot Erica a glare in which Erica shrugged it off and laughed.

"Here Jamie," Erica said with a small laugh to shortish girl, "If it means that much to you..."

Jamie grinned widely and sipped the delicious iced coffe through the straw.

(A/N: It really does taste good)

"Oooooooooooh!" Erica said happily as she skipped up to the Gamestop's display window, black bondage skirt waving madly behind her.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmm..." Jamie sighed from the drink, "Starbucks."

Erica rolled her eyes in a friendly way at her rather 'special' and distracted friend.

"Check it out!" Erica exclaimed, hands and faced pressed against the window.

"What? Glass?" Jamie snorted, as she twirled the straw through the thick whipped cream at the bottom of the cup.

Erica rolled her eyes at her slightly dense friend once again, "No dumbass! They re-released Zelda: Ocarina of Time on the Gamecube!" She replied still looking at the poster in the window.

(A/N: Look I know that happened a long time ago...but for the sake of the story...)

Jamie checked her pocket, rummaging through coins and other crap you find in a pocket.

_Hmmmm, I have 40 bucks..._She thought to herself.

"Let's buy it!" Jamie breathed expressing her thoughts.

"Awesomist!" Erica exclaimed.

They walked into the Gamestop, rather flustered from the wind blowing their clothes everywhere. As Jamie walked through the games pulling down her My Chemical Romance tour T-shirt with the band dates on the back she waved to her friend Mikey who worked there and he waved back.

(A/N: Mikey is my buddy and he actually works at our Gamestop and owns himself and his coolness.)

"What can I do for you dorks today?" Mikey asked as he brushed his hand through his jet-black streaked purple hair.

"Tch, your uncle's a dork." Jamie shot back shifting through the shelves in the Gamecube section looking for Zelda.

"I know, but we are not talking about my uncle! And coming from the girl who still thinks a fat man comes 'round every year to her house." Mikey retorted.

"Hey! Are you talking about my Uncle Don! He is pleasantly plump thank you very much, not fat! AND he already came round this year! Jamie said.

Mikey rolled his eyes and re-adjusted his name tag.

Erica whispered something in Jamie's ear.

"Ooooooooooh...Hey! Leave Santa out of this!" Jamie said still digging for the Zelda game.

Erica laughed as she re-adjusted her The Distillers shirt, which nicely reflected her naturally some what tan skin.

"Shut up you whore!" Jamie jokingly snapped to her near hysterics friend.

This undoubtly made Erica laugh harder.

"If I'm a whore, then what does that make you?" Erica questioned, now looking through some of the Video game and Anime/Manga action figures on display.

"A slightly higher on the food chain whore who makes out with Branden Urie in the Panic!At the Disco, 'But It's Better If You Do' video" Jamie said nonchantly.

"You like Branden Urie?" Erica said suprised, as she picked up and examined a Final Fantasy figure.

(A/N: Erica I can't remember your favorite character so you fill it in -smiles-)

"Yeah! That dude's a fag!" Mikey added, "Who wears alotta makeup." As he joined Erica in looking at action figures.

"Nah, I don't like him. But I like the band and that song." Jamie replied, as she stroked her pale fingers through her inky bluish/black hair, fustrated she hadn't found the game yet.

"Yeah, cos the other day you said Glenn Danzig was hot and that wouldn't add up..." Erica said drifting off as she checked the price tag on the action figure that caught her interest.

"Glenn Danzig _is_ hot, and his band is so kickass.." Jamie replied as she shifted _Animal Crossing _to the side still searching for Zelda...

"Damn straight!" Mikey agreed gazing down happily at his the Misfits tee.

Erica smiled as she began to hum _Last Caress_ by the Misfits.

"Woo!" Jamie said happily, "Favorite Misfits song!" As she contined her search in vain.

"_I got something to say, I killed your baby today, And it doesn't matter much to me, As long as it's dead_" Mikey began to sing as he stuck so marked down Animes on the shelves behind Jamie resuming his job.

"_Well I got something to say, I raped your mother today, And it doesn't matter much to me, As long as she spread_" Erica added as she put the action figure back down and started to help Jamie find the game so they could hole up in Jamie, and Jamie's Dad's apartment and play it.

"_Sweet lovely death, I'm waiting for your breath, Let me take, one last caress_" Jamie sang as her expression changed.

"Final-fucking-lly!" Jamie exclaimed with a huge grin spread across her pale white face, waving the game victoriously.

"I take it she found it?" Mikey asked Erica sarcastically.

Erica smiled and did her and Jamie's weird 'victorious' hand sign.

(A/N: Remeber the weird victorious hand sign Gerard Way does in the I'm Not Okay (I Promise) video when he recieves a F in the begininig of the video? That one.)

"Bang it up, my good chap." Jamie said in a faux and sorry British accent. As she walked up to the checkout counter; Erica in tow.

"First, I'm not gonna knock up a video game, secondly, when the Hell did you become British?" Mikey questioned as he scanned the game.

"First," Jamie mimicked him, "That game doesn't want you to be it's baby's daddy, secondly, ever since I fucked Ryou Bakura." She finished as she flipped through the latest Game Informer on display on the counter, "Oh that Joe cracks me up..."

(A/N: Joe is a reveiwer from said magazine, he makes me laugh alot so does Kato, Reiner, and all the rest of them.)

Erica leaned over Jamie's shoulder and read what she was looking at, "Liers never prosper." She sang in a fake sing-song voice.

"Tch, living proof hanging over my shoulder." Jamie said as she put the magazine back (Erica smacked her in the shoulder) and took the bag from Mikey, "Thanks Babe."

"Any time dahling heart." Mikey said as he pecked Jamie's cheek and went back to work.

(A/N: Me and Mikey are friends. Mikey is gay. Mikey does that to all his girl friends. No romance. I know. It's sad. He's hot. Yum.)

As the duo left for the door Mikey yelled out, "Watch out for them bears!" at which they laughed their asses off at.

(A/N: Don't understand? Watch the Colbert Report, then you'll understand..)

As Erica and Jamie left the store back into the (Now raining) streets of Valdosta, they started having a random conversation.

"You think I'm weird? Hun you were the one who almost split her hand open on a swing, blood gushing everywhere, and all _you_ worried about was 'Damn! My hat better not have blood on it!'" Jamie said with a smile on her face, as they passed a TGI Friday's.

"Me the weirdist?" Erica replied, "Youe were the on sneaking around at night looking for cookies and you ran into a wall blinded by the dark and two big-ass fish fell on your head!" Erica said as they rushed down the sidewalk, past a Marco Polo's.

"Ow..." Jamie said rubbing her head, "That really hurt!" As they finally approached Jamie's apartment buiding.

(A/N: All those things actually happened to us -laughs- Oh, and I know Valdosta has no apartment bulidings except in Downtown but for the sake of the story...)

They entered the buliding and ran up the grey cemented stairs, because they were to anxious to wait for an empty elevator.

After dodging crack, fungus, and other stuff growing through the stairs they entered the 7th floor; Jamie's floor.

"Okay Erica," Jamie started, "You know the drill," Erica nodded, "Not a _sound_..or it's bloody murder for the both of us." she finished, as she dug in her pocket for her apartment key.

Now Jamie's father was a complictated man. He was okay except when he was drunk. You avoided him at _all_ costs when he was drunk. He always got drunk at night, and dozed off in the living room (Eventually dragging himsef to his bed around midnight) at 7 every day.

If you didn't mess with him at night, you wouldn't know the man had a problem, but if you did...well _it_ was _your_ ass on the line.

The two girls crept through the basically half-way kept apartment; not a wreck, but not Martha Stewart expectations.

As they tip-toed to Jamie's room they sam a middle-aged man snoring softly on a recliner faced infront of a decent sized television (They weren't poor), beer bottles strewn all around the recliner, as Reno 911 blared at a low volume from the set.

Jamie smiled as they ade it to her room sucessfully, quietly locking her door and kickinng her shoes off.

"Erica." She whispered (Just in case), as she took the plastic off her game, readying to slip it into her Gamecube.

"Yeah." She whispered back, pulling some blankets and pillows out of Jaime's closet so they could be comfortable why the played.

"Can you turn the stereo on low?" Jamie asked in the same low tone as she looked out the window to find rain lashing at it violently.

"Sure Babe..." Erica said a she crossed over to Jamie's stereo and put on a Taking Back Sunday CD (Tell All Your Friends).

Soon 'Timberwolves of New Jersey' softly flitted throughout the room.

Jamie smiled as she flicked on the t.v. (Volume on low.), propped a pillow under her arms, and readied the controller in her hands as Link came on the screen riding Epona, and the title came on in a misty/swirly type of way.

Erica settled heself next to Jamie brunette hair falling over chocolate brown eyes, curled like a cat into a pillow, while her eyes rested on the screen, ready to take over when Jamie beat the Deku Tree.

But as soon as Jamie pressed play something weird happened, a shock went through her; like the time she was bored she stuck her finger in an electrical socket.

(A/N: I've actually have done that...Well..I _am_ Jamie.)

Erica surprised grabbed Jamie to see if she was okay but then she felt the shock and coudn't pull away.

Then everything went black...

-------

Jamie woke up groggily and looked to her side and saw Erica still out, and then she blanched.

Erica looked like she was _10_. Her brown hair still was at medium length and the covered her chocolate brown eyes a bit. Her tanish skin clashed a little with the green the was decked out in. She had on a green strappless dress with a brown sash that went down to he knees, and brown boots that went up to a little below her knees.

The way she was dressed it looked like someone dressed her instead of herself, as it was a little loose in some places.

Jamie heaved herself off the white sheeted bad she awoke in, and walked over to a mirror and almost face-faulted.

She herself looked around 10. Her inky black/bluish hair was still medium length to he shoulders againt her pale white skin. Her eyes were still the natural jade green they were before they left.

She was dressed in the same dress and boots Erica was in.

But where the fuck _was_ she?

**Did you like? Reveiw and'll continue. By the way all descriptions I give are real. Personality wise, and look wise (My hair is dyed that color, it's not natural duh) All OCs are real people.**

**The Joe from Game Informer joke was in the staff thingy from March this year Joe said he spent his whole birthday trying to convince people telling them he was drunk in a airport. Yes, that made me laugh.**

**Ciao **


	2. The Eternal Stick

**Well kthanx for all the reveiws. This chapter starts humor, a few introductions, and a rather crude Deku Tree joke...Heh heh.**

**But He Has the Eternal Stick Up His Ass!**

When Jamie finally got ahold herself, she heard some mixed and descrete voices through the door (Or hanging thingy to be percise.), and rushed to her bed, and pulled the covers over herself.

"Why do they have to come? It's _my_ job not _their's_!" A midget boy said stomping into the room glaring out the door.

"Link," said a girl with wicked green hair, "It's a _mystery,_"she said in a rather paranoid voice, "They're _magic_." she said with wide eyes.

Jamie couldn't help but snort at this girl's stupidness.

The girl and Link looked around in alarm. Then shrugged it off.

"Look, the Deku Tree needs you!" said an annoying tinkling voice emitting from a blue orb, "So wake the to lazy girls up!"

Jamie knew that annoying ass voice from _anywhere. _

(A/N: Tch! Who _doesn't_?)

It was Navi from Zelda! Then it hit her like am obese woman falling off a bike; she was in the Zelda game.

"Uhhh..." Link started nervously as he walked over and began to poke Jamie, "Wake up?"

Jamie smacked him out of instinct and Link jumped back.

"Don't fucking poke me..." Jamie grumbled, doing a perfect imitation on how she was when she woke up.

Saria, Link, and Navi sweatdropped.

Jamie crawled out of bed and smoothed her dress down.

_I hate fucking green and dresses..._she grumbled in her thoughts.

Then Saria walked over to Erica on the other bed and woke her up. When Erica woke up she didn't freak out-

(A/N: Erica's weird like that...)

On the contary, she could careless, when she saw Jamie...till she saw the mirror.

-Insert yelling, smashing, pissed off Erica-

"-WHAT THE FUCK! GREEN! WHO THE-"

Jamie winced, and Link and Saria stared on wide-eyed.

"I take it she doesn't like the color green-" Saria started, but was cut off.

"AND A FUCKING DRESS! WHAT THE HELL! I'M GOING TO BUST A CAP UP SOMEONE'S ASS IF THERE NOTHING ELSE TO CHANGE INT-"

"-Or dresses for that matter." Saria finished.

"CALM DOWN!" Navi screamed.

"CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN? LITTLE PIXIE BITCH! DON'T TELL _ME_ TO CALM DOWN! I'LL STICK MY STEEL-TOED BOOT UP YOUR TINKER BELL ASS-"

"I _knew _it was a good idea to take away her steel-toed boots.." Link muttered.

"-AND _THEN_ WE'LL SEE WHO'LL BE CHANTING 'FAITH, DUST, AND PIXIE DUST!'" Erica snapped finishing her rant.

"Done mate?" Jamie asked in a little bit of a concerned tone, as the other three still stared at the two wide-eyed.

Erica nodded curtly still seething a bit.

"Look..." Navi started a bit warily, "You four-"

"Four?" Jamie started, "Hun you fairies need to learn how to count! There's only _two_ of us."

Navi for some reason glared at Link.

"Dammit Link!" Navi snapped, "I _told_ you not to lock them in a jar!"

"Heh," Link said, "They were saying rude things to me!"

"So will Erica and Jamie eventually! Will you lock _them_ in a jar!" Navi snapped like Link was a 5 year old.

Link complated it in his head. The nodded.

"I'd like to see your midget-ass try." Jamie said.

"Ummm Jamie?" Erica said, now controling her anger, "We're kinda short now to..."

"Dammit."

"Link! Release them!" Navi snapped, fluttering around the cramped lodgings, "We really need to get your equitment and see the Deku Tree!"

Link sighed and pulled a sound-proof jar from his tunic.

(A/N: -Wide-eyes- Where the Hell did he pull it from!)

Inside were to faries; one was black, but its center was neon purple, the other was the same except its center was a dark blue.

Link popped the lid and released them.

The Black Purple one spoke first, "What the fuck is your problem midget! I'm going to set a bear on your ass!" it said fluttering by his ear madly like a pissed off bee.

"Mikey!" Jamie yelled victoriously, as she ran over to the Fairy and attempted to hug him.

"Jamie!" Mikey said, tone from mad to happy, and fluttered to her shoulder.

"Where the Hell am I?" The other muttered.

"Andi!" Jamie said suprised.

"Jamie?"

"ERICA!"

Everyone looked at Erica.

"Meh. I felt left out."

"Let's go!" Navi snapped.

(A/N: Saria disapeared...)

The six of them left the house-

(A/N: We've all played Zelda so yeah..)

-and listened to Navi ramble. Well Link was at any rate.

"What are we supposed to do?" Andi asked as he flew happily around Erica and Jamie, ignoring Navi as he played tag with Mikey.

"Erm..walk and follow?" Jamie suggested as they walke; rain pelting them.

"Yeah, well-" Mikey started, but then Erica cut him off.

"Rain..." she moaned, "Dead people in the sky cry... now for whom do they cry? For me? For God? For ... mankind? That we are all doomed to die? It is our destiny. We live, grow old, and die. Everybody dies. It is life. Life is death. He gave us life. We live for him. God. God sent his only son down to earth, to live as a man would. Jesus loves everybody. It was fate. Fate. FATE!" Erica began to cry, "I belive in Jesus..."

"Is she pissed about the dress still-" Mikey began, shocked by his friend's neew found religon.

"Ok, it's finally official. Erica has lost it." Jamie said, "Heheheh."

"Jesus wept. And I too weep. I weep for mankind." Erica stated.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight," Jamie said with a raised eyebrow; Link and Navi still oblivious.

Erica stomped the ground with her feet still crying, "I weep for the clouds. I weep for the birds. I weep for the ants, and the bees, and the flowers, and the mooses, and the butterflies-"

"And your sanity, which has deserted you." Jamie added, as they stopped in some bushes, Link digging for rupees, Mikey and Andi sitting on Jamie's shoulder looking on in interest.

"You do not know how I SUFFER!" Erica snapped.

"..."

And yet Link still digs for those darn rupees...

"I live a lie. I am always in torment. My life is shit. Nobody likes me. I have ZERO friends." Erica straightened up and addressed the 'crowd'. "I have ZERO friends! Hear that? ZERO! NONE! AUGHHH!" She flung herself down and wailed.

This caught Link's attention...

"O...kay" he mumbled, then continued his search for rupees.

"That's very unfortunate." Jamie said as she picked at her nails and Mikey and Andi resumed tag.

Erica stood up, "It is NOT unfortunate. I CHOSE my life! I CHOSE to live in exile! This is my fate, my sad cruel fate! I accept it! I do not deny it! I am…

-Insert dramatic pause-

Jamie held her bated breath...

"ERICA!"

"Damn! I thought you would be Darth Vader..." Jamie muttered, "Or atleast Harry Potter..."

Erica glared.

"Err! That's nice Erica!" Jamie added quickly.

"And I want YOU to join my side. Will you join? Will you be one with the devil?" Erica questioned.

"..."

"ANSWER ME! I DEMAND AN ANSWER!" she snapped

"Look Erica, weren't you banging on about Jesus before...?" Jamie asked her questioningly.

"WITCHCRAFT PROMOTES SATAN!"

"..."

"THAT'S WHAT GOT US HERE! IN GREEN AND DRESSES! _WITCHCRAFT_!" Erica snapped.

"Uh-huh..." Jamie said.

"Ya Allah! Insh'Allah! La ilaha il'Mohammed rasul Allah!" Erica babbled

"Mmmmmmmmkay..To the men in white coats for you!" Jamie said.

Erica suddenly bored with being dramatic began to throw rocks at Link out of sheer amusement which took longer for him to collect rupees, "Oh come on Link!" Erica said, "Stop acting like a damn Jew! and then she pelted more rocks.

(A/N: I'm not racist..)

Soon Jamie joined in (To Link's fustration) and even Andi and Mikey threw tiny pebbles.

**-10 Minutes Later-**

"To the sword!" Navi directed. Link threw the other four a quick glare and joined Navi.

"Uh..guys?" Andi said slowly looking over his friends Erica, Mikey, and Jamie as he rested on Erica's shoulder.

"Mhhhm Mikey?" Erica asked ass they walked up that big ass hill towards the sword alclove.

"Don't you think we should be nice to Link? I mean, we will be relying on each other for a while..." Andi said in pacifist ways, as they walked by the Know-It-All Brothers' house.

"Ehhh." Jamie replied as she hopped a fence through the Training Ground.

"Jamie I'm serious!" Andi said.

"No! Sirius is Sirius!" Jamie said.

Andi rolled his eyes, "Jamie that joke's a tad old.."

Jamie shrugged as she skipped to the hole they had to go through avoiding the question.

After Link and Navie, Jamie and Mikey went in, followed by Erica and Andi.

After escaping the Whopper of doom, they saw a chest perched on an old stump.

"Open it and stop staring at it Link!" Jamie snapped impatiently.

Erica and Mikey snickered, and Andi threw Jamie a reapproachable look.

"Fine!" Jamie snapped, she fluttered her eyelsahes a little, and in a sickening sweet tone she asked, "Link sweet pea, could you be a dear and open the chest? I'm becoming _ever-so_ impatient!"

Erica and Mikey roared with laughter, and Andi rolled his eyes.

Link glared and opened the chest. He pulled out a smallish sword, he reached back in but pulled back as if he was scorched.

"What is it?" Erica asked concerned, which made Link look suprised-

(A/N: We're not complete bitches Link! We have hearts!)

-and shook his head.

"I can't get the rest." he muttered not knowing if he could trust the other four or not.

"Rest?" Jamie said with a raised brow as she walked to the chest.

She peered down and reached for two glowing swords, as if she was drawn to them.

She pulled them out. The were twin swords her size. The were stainless steel blades that were curved. The hilts were black, and straps to tie a sword to each wrist.

Erica looked in and pulled out a Bow and and some Arows. The Bow was Onyx Black, and the bows looked indestructable.

"Yeah! Fun with weapons!" Jamie said happily examining her swords.

As they exited that Training Grounds, and after they bought Link's sheild they headed to the Deku Tree.

As they passed Mido and random enemies Jamie started to talk about the Deku Tree.

"I never liked that damn tree! He talked to much like he had and eternal stick up his ass-"

Link and Navi glared at that.

"-I think he sounded like Dumbledore on crack myself.." Jamie finished.

"Jamie!" Navi snapped, "Hush!"

And as she said that they had arrived.

**You know the drill, reveiw for update. Hope you enjoy.**

**Oh yeah, in real life, Erica DOESN'T go on like that over stuff, but this IS a humor people.**

**Ciao**


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